A medical emergency while traveling

Yes, on my October 2024 trip to Utah and the Navajo Nation I encountered a medical emergency so serious that I might have died if I hadn’t made it to a hospital emergency room in time.  But what I want to emphasize here is the very serious registry implications arising from this medical emergency that you should be aware of if anything similar ever happens to you while traveling.

If you are a man – and let’s face it, most registrants are – as you age you will likely begin to have prostate problems – enlargement, difficulty peeing etc.  Like me, you may take a medication like Flomax to reduce the swelling.  But also like me, you may not realize your prostate can suddenly swell up and cause what doctors call “retention,” i.e. you cannot go even as your bladder gets ready to explode.

Upon returning to my “bunkhouse” after my second day at Zion National Park (see my blog post “Utah’s National Parks & Monuments”) late that night I suddenly began to experience “retention” but I didn’t know what was going on. At first it was very very difficult and painful to pee but not impossible. 

I was unable to sleep much of that night but told myself surely this is temporary and would go away in time.  The next morning was my Day 7 in Utah of the 9 days allowed per 12 month period (not the 10 days specified by statute because as I always say, you have to assume that the 10th day would trigger an obligation to register and that all partial days will be counted).  If you look at my Utah blog post you’ll see that I was planning to leave Utah to enter the Navajo Nation but re-enter to visit Bears Ears National Monument for two partial Days 8 & 9, so I was using up every Utah day I was allowed in 2024.

It so happened that my plans for that day were simple – drive from La Verkin, UT to Page, AZ about 175 miles away, which was to be my gateway to the Navajo Nation. I took the more southerly route (U.S. 89A) so I could at least pass by Vermillion Cliffs Nat. Mon. which, yes, is spectacular. In doing so I entered Arizona at about 11:00 on a Monday morning.

Arizona’ SOR law includes a visitors grace period of 72 hours not including weekends and holidays.  Since I was planning to re-enter Utah to camp in Bears Ears the following afternoon, that would be about 32 hours in Arizona on that first leg of my journey.  The next morning (Wednesday) I would return to the Navajo Nation, where I would be in Arizona until the following afternoon before exiting at Window Rock, so that’s another 32 hours or so. As you can see, this neatly split AZ into two equal pieces so I’d never get anywhere close to the 72 hour limit, while making use of the last two partial days available to me in Utah.

By the time I arrived in Page AZ my “retention” was worse than ever.  I knew Page was a big enough town to have a hospital, but instead of plugging it into my GPS and heading for the emergency room I did the stupidest thing imaginable.  I continued to wish it would go away and actually showed up at the Antelope Canyon tour place and signed up for a canyon tour the following morning.  Then I headed off for a nearby campground. 

It’s a darned good thing I stayed nearby because by midnight I was heading for the Page Hospital Emergency Room driving in great pain.  And then I ran into another medical emergency when the hospital staff – in my opinion – botched the catheter insertion that drained my bladder.  So by about 2:00 am I left the hospital with a painful catheter in me to try and sleep in my minivan (which as always had a comfortable bed in the back) in their parking lot.  I even went back in when I woke the next morning (Tuesday) to discuss everything before deciding how to proceed.

When I looked thru my photos later I couldn't believe I'd taken a pic of the emergency room entrance - even then I guess I knew I'd be blogging about this

What were the registry implications of what had happened so far?  For one thing, if either (a) I had been much stupider than I actually was that night, or (b) if the hospital staff had botched my catheter much worse than they did, I could have ended up hospitalized in a state that only allows me 72 hours of which I had already consumed about 13 when I arrived at the hospital.  The clock was ticking.

As an out-of-stater I don’t know Arizona’s procedure, but I can only assume that initial registration must be in person and must happen before the end of the 72 hour grace period.  And where would I have to go to do this?

Now you see the urgency of all this.  If I was laid up in a hospital for more than 2 days I could be committing a registry violation, which, if Arizona is anything like Florida or Iowa, could mean prison time!  I am so fortunate that this didn’t happen.

Then there are the Iowa registry travel reporting considerations.  If my itinerary changes enough to make a difference to them I can call in that change.  I believe they’d care about a 2-3 day hospital stay because it would delay my previously reported return date.  And making this change would necessarily document my time in Arizona.

Taking all this into account, including the fact that in the hours and days that followed I really did feel better as the hospital staff had promised, and considering how disappointed I was to have my Navajo Nation tour totally ruined, I decided on a truncated version of my original route through the Navajo Nation wherein I camped in Utah as originally planned.  From there I drove straight south to Window Rock and Gallup, NM where I got on I-40 as originally planned. 

By the time I got home to Iowa the Page Hospital had sent all my records to my urologist and I had an appointment with her.  But the most important message of this story is – DO NOT be stupid like I was.  We’re all getting older and some kind of medical emergency is coming.  When it does, recognize it and don’t try to wish it away.  Get help.

  Utah's National Parks & Monuments

 

The Grotto, as seen from Angel's Landing Trail, Zion National Park

From the 50 State Visitor Guide :

Utah Code Ann.  2019 §§77-41-101 through 77-41-112

Utah. Code Ann. §§77-27-21.7 through 77-27-21.9

U.A.C. §§R251-110-1 through R251-110-5

Registration Triggers and Deadlines:

“Sex Offender” is defined to include any out-of-state SO who is in Utah for more than 10 days in any 12 month period. §77-41-102(17)(b).

Visitors must register “within 10 days of entering the state, regardless of the offender’s length of stay.”  §77-41-105. 

Updates required within 3 business days. §77-41-105.

Residency/Presence and Other Restrictions:

Presence restriction: May not be on premises of a day care or preschool, public swimming pool, school, community park open to the public, playground that is open to the public.  Exceptions for access to schools when carrying out “necessary parental responsibilities” and day care center or preschool when in building for other purposes.

Residence restriction: w/in 1,000 ft. of victim, with exceptions. §77-27-21.7.

“Sex Offender in Presence of Child Law:”  Registrants w/ convictions involving minors under 14 years old cannot invite the minor to accompany him or her absent parental consent, with exceptions.  §77-27-21.8.

Because “Sex Offender” is defined to include only out-of-state SO’s in Utah for more than 10 days in a 12 month period (see Registration Triggers & Deadlines at left), visitors not meeting this definition would, in theory, not be required to register & thus not subject to these restrictions during their visit. However, this theory remains untested.

Duration & updates:

Lifetime. Petition 10 years.  Updates every 6 mo. §77-41-105.

Nine Days in Utah: October 2024

Compared to other states, Utah’s restrictions on registered visitors shouldn’t be too tough to get along with.  Yes it does have presence restrictions, including the usual boogeymen such as day care centers, schools, public swimming pools, community parks & playgrounds. I assume that, like me, you have no interest in visiting any of these places on your visit to Utah. Notice that the list includes “public swimming pools” but not the pool at any hotel you may be staying at.  

Also, it says “community parks” but not state and national parks. That should be a relief since Utah’s national parks and monuments, national forests, and state parks are among the state’s biggest attractions.

Lastly, because the term “Sex Offender” is defined by statute to include only out-of-state registrants in Utah for more than 10 days in a 12 month period (see Registration Triggers & Deadlines), visitors not meeting this definition would, in theory, not be required to register & thus not subject to these restrictions during their visit. Admittedly, however, this theory remains untested.  Still, you get ten days in-state per calendar year without ever having to test it. Most registered visitors should have nothing to worry about. Just remember, all partial days are going to count toward the 10 day total, including your entry and exit days.

Utah has some of the most stunningly beautiful natural wonders of any state in the union. I had been there two years ago, and also the year before I went to prison. That first time I went specifically because I had no idea whether I’d ever be able to come back. Now that I have my chance I can never resist the chance to go back.

If by any chance you ever read my previous Utah blog post (now deleted) you’d know that I have wanted to focus an entire road trip on Utah’s great natural wonders instead of just “slowing down” on my way through to see a few things on my way back home from somewhere else.  Also, my previous drive-by trips were in the second half of October when the weather in Utah can be pretty darned cold.  

This time I spent over a week in Utah, and chose the first week of October. I spent an entire day at each park, arriving as early as possible (i.e. about 6:30 am) and breaking off around 3:00 pm to head for my next campground.  The weather that week was perfect, yet it was still a so-called “shoulder season” when the parks were less crowded than at the summer peak. I also want to give a shout out to a AAA map called “Indian Country” which I used to guide myself on this trip. It’s the most complete info on this region I have ever seen. 

Arches National Park – Days 1-2

Whether you are coming from the east or west, I urge you to skip the main access highway US 191 and go in the back way which is State Rd 128 – it runs along the Colorado River through some of the most magnificent canyons you will ever see. Plus there are many campgrounds and on the first week of October there were plenty of sites available. However, DO NOT think you’re going to find any last minute food or supplies at the exit or anywhere else on this road because it doesn’t exist. Stock up ahead of time or wait until you get to Moab.

Delicate Arch, Arches National Park

Of Utah’s Big 5 National Parks Arches is my 2nd favorite (sorry, Zion is even better). It is truly a wonderland and this time I went to places I’d never been to before e.g. Devil’s Garden (Wow!). Then there’s Delicate Arch, Fiery Furnace, Balanced Rock, and of course Park Avenue and the Courthouse Towers.

Every American should see these great wonders before you die.

Canyonlands National Park – Day 3

Canyonlands is a huge park that encompasses the confluence of the Colorado River and Green River. The northern section, called Island in the Sky, is accessed from US 191 via State Rd 313 which is much closer to civilization than the southern Needles section. Because of that remoteness I’d never been to The Needles before, but this time I camped as close to that park entrance as I could – not realizing that because this remoteness I could have gone to the Squaw Flat campground inside the park which was half-empty.

Grandview Point, Canyonlands

It turns out while The Needles can be seen in the distance from the park road, you can’t actually go explore them without at least a 2 day backpacking commitment and I’m too old for that.  There are a couple of canyon views in this section too but they don’t hold a candle to the overlooks from Island in the Sky, where I also was able to spend a few hours before heading off to my next campground.

Along the 50 mile road to The Needles you will also pass the famous Newspaper Rock petroglyphs. WOW!

Like the Grand Canyon, all of the main canyon views are from above.  Unlike the Grand Canyon, there are no guided horse treks to get you to the bottom of the canyons. You’re on your own if you want to explore the remote areas of the park.

Be sure to make the side trip to Dead Horse Point State Park which is really spectacular.

Capital Reef National Park – Day 4

I imagine you have not heard of Capital Reef – but you should have. It’s truly spectacular.  Unfortunately, as of October 2024 there’s a lot of construction going on, and the scenic drive that takes you to the most remote areas you can get to by car – well, it’s completely closed.  That was a big disappointment since my plan was to go all the way to the end and go for a hike which I’d not done before, perhaps to see the Golden Dome. The visitor center parking lot is also completely ripped up. 

Caleb Canyon Trail, Capital Reef

Capital Reef has within it a preserved historic town named Fruita. Yes it has a blacksmith shop and a fruit pie shop, but it’s really not that great.  There are viewpoints and trails extending from State Rd 24 so I hiked part of the Cohab Canyon trail and it was beautiful.  Maybe next time the construction will be finished.

West of Capital Reef on State Rd. 24, be sure to stop at Red Canyon. It’s well worth your time.

Grand Staircase / Route 12 Corridor – Day 5

The Grand Staircase – Escalante National Monument is vast and remote. If you’re a backpacker or have an ATV you can go exploring, but otherwise you’re restricted to the highways that skirt the edges of it, like US 89 to the south and Historic Route 12 which is just about the only route from Capitol Reef to Bryce Canyon.  

Escalante Petrified Forest

The good news is there’s plenty to see along Route 12 and I try to go to new places every time.  This time, after leaving Capital Reef I found a campsite at one of the many campgrounds along the way.  Then the next morning before proceeding to Bryce Canyon I took I hike at Escalante Petrified Forest State Park. Yes I saw petrified tree trunks. 

On past trips I have visited Anasazi State Park & Museum (very interesting) and camped at Kodachrome Basin St. Pk. which is named after the colorful landscape.

Bryce Canyon – also Day 5

Bryce Canyon is all about the hoodoos – those otherworldly spires that made this canyon famous. There have to be millions of them. And for me, therein lies the problem.  Much like you sometimes hear people say the Grand Canyon is “just a big hole in the ground,” I have to admit my attitude toward hoodoos is, “you seen one hoodoo, you seen ’em all.” 

Bryce Canyon

Bryce has one main road from the entrance to the far south end of the park.  There are many viewpoints and they are very beautiful but they all look the same to me.  You can remain in the Bryce Amphitheater area and end your tour at Bryce Point, but on this trip I drove all the way down to the end of the road at Rainbow Point hoping for a little variety but no, it’s just more hoodoos.

However, out on Route 12 east of the park entrance you will find Mossy Cave and waterfalls, which is about a one mile hike, very cool and something I’d never seen before.

Zion National Park – Days 6 & 7

Zion is my favorite national park and on this trip I allowed two days for it. What makes Zion so unique is that, unlike the Grand Canyon, or Canyonlands, or Bryce, the entry to Zion National Park takes you straight into the mouth of the most spectacular canyon you will ever see (my opinion), the Virgin River which flows through the canyon nourishes a forested canyon floor filled with wildlife, and there are such a variety of things to see!

Zion Canyon as seen from a rocky overlook

On this trip one week into October I was able to find parking at the Visitor Center as long as I got there by 7:00 am. The weather was good, the park was crowded, and the bus trams were still in operation until the end of the month. Get off at The Grotto, Court of the Patriarchs. Then the Zion – Mt. Carmel Highway takes you up the switchbacks to the WPA Project tunnel, Canyon overlook and spectacular views.

One thing you should know about Zion National Park is that both camping and anything like an affordable motel room in the tourist town of Springdale are basically nonexistent, and I was visiting on a weekend. While on the tram a couple was bragging about how they had found a good affordable room – but that was in St. George, 50 miles away! I had managed to find a bed in a four-person bunkhouse in La Verkin, UT, “only” 25 miles away. Good news! Even on a weekend, it was off-season enough that the bunkhouse place was mostly empty and I had an entire bunkhouse with kitchen and bathroom to myself for $75 per night. Yey!

Bears Ears & Natural Bridges Nat. Mons. – Days 8 & 9

If you’ve never been to Utah you’ve probably never heard of either Bears Ears or Natural Bridges National Monuments.  If you choose to read my next blog post which will describe the registry implications of a very serious medical emergency I experienced on the day after I left Zion Nat. Park you’ll know why I was unable to do much more than drive past Bears Ears on this trip. But I have been there in the past and I can tell you it’s just as spectacular as everywhere else in Utah.

Newspaper Rock !

Together with Glen Canyon Nat, Recreation Area, Bears Ears actually surrounds Canyonlands Nat. Park – Newspaper Rock is in Bears Ears, not Canyonlands.  From there Bears Ears extends all the way south to the Navajo Nation (which includes southernmost Utah). Natural Bridges Nat. Mon. is much smaller and located entirely within Bears Ears.

There’s just so much in Utah. It never seems to end. 

Northern Utah: August 2025

In early August 2025 I traveled through northern Utah – a part of the state I had not seen before.  I entered Utah from Nevada on I-80, which means I was headed straight through the Bonneville Salt Flats.  Yes it was hot & white & flat & it seems to go on forever.  After that my primary objective was to find a campground in Uinta National Forest, east of Salt Lake City.

A nice shady rest area in the Bonneville Salt Flats

The next day my first stop was the Uintah and Ouray Nation Reservation.  Anyone conversant with Utah’s history should not be surprised that native people here have been robbed of their lands.  In this case the invaders pulled their usual trick of steeling back reservation lands whenever they found valuable resources there.  The agricultural lands on native lands seemed as prosperous as nearby lands – which isn’t too bad. 

The main anglo town, Roosevelt, seems to be booming!  Everything is recent, but on the original old street grid.  It’s also a university town.  Duchesne is also an anglo town but it’s a dump.  The native reservation town is Fort Duchesne, and that’s a dump too.

Dinosaur Nat. Mon. & Flaming Gorge Nat. Rec. Area

Dino display building at Dino Nat. Monument

My next stop that day was Flaming Gorge National Recreation Area in Ashley National Forest.  It’s mountainous and forested, it has all manner of recreation opportunities and lots on camping and lodging alternatives.  In hindsight I recommend going to Dinosaur National Monument, which can be done in an afternoon, and then heading up to the recreation area to stay overnight and recreating the next day.

As it was I had a campsite reservation at Dinosaur, which is desert-like.  Nevertheless that allowed me to see Dinosaur the next morning and I have to say it’s great!  Not only have they encased an entire hillside full of exposed fossils in a giant display building, but this national monument also does double duty as a major petroglyph site!  I heartily recommend it to everyone.

 Lessons learned? I believe I was the target of a police sting

Originally published at narsol.org

By Atwo Zee, Registered Traveler . . . Not long after I returned to Iowa after the 2024 NARSOL conference in Atlanta, I received an email forwarded by the national NARSOL office.  This message came to them on their main “Contact Us” email address, and whoever sent it was looking specifically for me, “whose story “Unwanted Images” hit home when I was suicidal and wracked with fear …”  The sender also complimented my travel blog and expressed a desire to have me participate in a podcast of some kind

This message was a little odd because of the reference to “Unwelcome Images,” the actual name of my prison story which I never even talk to anybody in our movement about (because I won’t bore you with my prison story if you won’t bore me with yours).  Nevertheless, seeing nothing suspicious, I contacted the sender with an “Okay, how can I help you?” reply.

I received a reply within a couple of days.  I was sitting at the public computer at my local senior center (because, as some of you know, I don’t have home internet service).  The sender said glowing things about me, re-stated his desire to have me participate in a podcast, and included a link to a “recent podcast” so I could see what it was all about.

I need to point out here that, like most senior center public computers, this one has only the most rudimentary software and certainly not much video software, so when I clicked on the link, I could hear the sound but the video only displayed some kind of error message.  Knowing trying to fix the video was useless, I leaned in to see what I could hear--which was a man welcoming everyone to the podcast, “We’re here in beautiful Hawaii today, which is such a great place for …”

… and then he used an expression which I recognized all too well from my bad old days online.  I won’t repeat that expression here except to say it’s an abbreviation, the letters of which refer favorably to a type of child pornography.  

As soon as I heard this abbreviation, I immediately blurted out, “WTF!?” and clicked the video away.  Then I replied to the message, telling the sender that if that’s what they are about, I wanted no part of it, and that they obviously have not learned the true lessons of my story (which of course is that no one should ever yield to the temptations of online CP).  Good bye!

The next time I was at the senior center, I found a reply in my inbox.  The sender apologized profusely, saying the beginning of the video was meant to be a parody, and it’s too bad I didn’t get the joke, and wouldn’t I please watch more of it before I made any decision …

Well, I couldn’t have done that anyway because of the software shortcomings of the computer, but also, now that this reply was trying to goad me into watching more of something I didn’t want in the first place, I started to become suspicious.  I forwarded the entire email exchange back to the NARSOL person who’d originally sent it to me, expressed my growing suspicions and asked, “For one thing, how did this person know to contact you asking for me specifically by name?  Nobody outside our group is supposed to know my real name – only Atwo Zee, Registered Traveler.  And now they’re trying to get me to watch more of this video?”

As my brother later said, “Cops know that sh*t.”  Exactly.  The NARSOL contact person replied, expressing shared suspicion, and promised to scrub whoever it was from their contact list.  Later I replied to the sender saying simply, “Go away.  You’re a cop doing a sting,” and I have not heard anything back since.

What lessons can be learned from this experience?  Well, the first lesson is that if you don’t want to get caught in a sting, be your genuine self when communicating with anyone online.  If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that anyone active enough in our movement to be reading this right now is part of the 95% of registrants who will never reoffend.  Therefore, acting like your genuine self is always best.

I’m sure that every cop--and every Florida state legislator who voted this year to give every Florida sheriff’s department grant funding to carry out these disgusting stings--will laugh and say, “Yes that’s exactly how the system is supposed to work.  You responded correctly, and you didn’t get arrested [well not yet anyway].  What are you bitching about?”  

The answer, as all of us know, is that there were any number of places along the way where, if I had acted perfectly innocently but only a little differently than I did, I could have unknowingly put myself in legal jeopardy.  As I thought about it, I realized that the cop’s first test had actually been to see what email account I might reply from.  Would I reply from some secret, unregistered email account?  If so, they could’ve arrested me on the spot for “failure to register an email account.”  But hey cops – guess what?  Nope!  I really don’t have any secret email account!  Just the one you already have in your records.

Then they must have been kind of confused about where my reply originated.  Why some random public computer instead of my secret home account?  But hey, cops--guess what?  Nope!  I really don’t have any secret home internet account!  That’s why you don’t have one in your records.

But the part that could have gone differently that I can’t get out of my mind is-- there I was, sitting at a public computer with other people around.  What if, just as I was leaning in to hear what was on the video, another senior had stopped to talk about something and I just muted the video but left it running while we talked?  What if it had run for enough time to get to the illegal part without my being aware of it?  What if the video suddenly began to work, showing illegal images while that senior was standing there?  Does anyone here believe that senior would not have immediately concluded they’d caught me searching the internet for those images?

Or what if I had been just a little bit less attentive to the sound track that day and not noticed that first ugly reference to a type of child pornography?  What if I had been distracted by the video problems and had persisted in trying to get the video to work long enough for it to suddenly pop on at the point where illegal images were on screen?  For me these are truly frightening counter narratives.

Or what if they had targeted this sting on someone else--and for that matter, what if they already HAVE targeted this sting on someone else--someone less active in our movement, someone less suspicious about the messages they’re receiving in their email account every day, someone who wasn’t listening carefully when the video came up, someone more naïve or just unlucky on that day.  This may have already happened--arrests may have already been made and we won’t even know about it until the county sheriff makes his big announcement about how great he is for “cracking down on sex offenders.”  By that time facts no longer matter.

I fear that law enforcement will draw the wrong conclusion from this attempt to sting me.  The right conclusion of course would be that there’s nothing nefarious to find here, just me and my one email account and no home internet service to investigate; the wi-fi card has been removed from my home laptop; I have no data plan on my phone, and that wi-fi is permanently turned off.  But I fear they will instead conclude that they’ll have to be sneakier about it if they want to catch me doing these things I’m not doing.  If they do decide to get sneakier, I fear that I could get tripped up in any one of a thousand innocent scenarios like the examples above that could get me falsely arrested.  And I hate law enforcement for forcing me to live in this paranoid state.

I also keep asking myself, why me specifically?  Why did someone contact NARSOL looking for me by name?  The only answer I can come up with is that this person thinks I’m some big deal activist, and it could discredit our movement to lure me onto a CP site.  Of course I’m not some big deal activist; I’m just the travel guy.  But it occurs to me that if they’re looking for me, they could be looking for other “big deal activists” too, especially those associated with Orange County or other Florida counties receiving sting grant money.  So actual big deal activists should be extra careful.

Lastly, what if this incident has made me completely paranoid and it’s not a police sting?  Who else could it have been?  It has to be someone who (a) knows me by name and by my two online outlets and (b) thinks NARSOL is a good place to look for me.  Could it be a vigilante or a scam artist?  If so, they must have access to information about me only the cops should have.  Or could this be a real online minor-attracted person delusional enough to think I want to be part of a CP-adjacent podcast?  It’s hard for me to believe, but I’d be interested if someone can come up with a believable innocent explanation.

Meanwhile I’m trying to get this story posted on as many sites as possible, both as a warning to others and as a way of getting my side of this incident--which is to say the truth--out there before somebody else tries to twist this truth into a lie and an arrestable offense.

 What if your travel plans crumble?

On my most recent cross-country trip my travel plans really did go kerfluey, so I decided the best public service I can perform is to tell you about it, and tell you how I fixed registry-related issues as I went along, so you too will know how to repair travel disasters on the fly.

My story actually begins a few weeks before I began this road trip, when I had to junk my old beast of a car and get a “new” one – new to me anyway.  And I must say I am so far very happy with my new car, despite the fact that later in this story it will be the cause of one of my registry-related road trip disasters.

Until now, everything I owned was registered and plated in Florida.  I have a Florida driver’s license.  But now I was junking the old beast in Iowa, registering and plating the new Sienna in Iowa while still retaining my Florida driver’s license.  Question: Is that a thing?  Can I really do that and will either state’s DMV or SOR office care?

Answer: Yes, I can and did do that, and nobody cared.  I even pointed it all out to everyone at both registry offices and DMV’s (little did I know how soon I’d be back in Florida so I could take care of that part) and they told me point blank – nobody cares.

There were two little problems, however.  One was that my old car’s title was in Florida and I had to have a friend find it and mail it to me.  The other, more germane to you if you’re a registrant, was that while my Iowa registry office was happy to remove my old car from my sheet, they insisted on keeping the old Florida license plate number on it, apparently out of fear I would use that plate to go commit a sinister crime (!), until I could produce an official Florida return of license plate receipt.  

My new car - with Independence Hall in the background

After groaning over that for a while I just tossed my plate in the car, figuring it’ll be where I need it when I get back to Florida next winter.

A few weeks later I went to the Johnson County sheriff’s department to report travel.  For this trip I had cobbled together four unrelated errands all of which were somewhere in the eastern U.S.:

1.  Attend the NARSOL conference in Atlanta.

2.  After stopping at my sister-in-law’s house in New Jersey to take measurements for #3, go to Maine to make this year’s attempt to go whale watching (see my Maine blog entry).

3.  After stopping at my brother’s house in Rhode Island, go back to my sister-in-law’s house to do the strangest errand of this trip, namely load into my new Sienna an old school telephone booth to be transported to Iowa.  I’ll explain that later.

4.  Join my family, who were also on the return leg of their vacation by this time, in Philadelphia, to spend three days exploring Pennsylvania before we went our separate ways back home.

Now, how shall we report this travel to my local sheriff?  By the way, how to report multi-destination travel is a frequently asked question for me as a travel advisor.  I decided to give them as destinations any place I would be staying more than one night.  These were: the NARSOL conference hotel in Atlanta; the state park in Maine where I would camp while trying to see whales; and two nights at a hotel near Hershey, PA with my family.  Everything else, including visiting my brother and sister-in-law, was no more than an overnight stay while traveling to the next destination. My sheriff’s department was happy, and of course that’s what I live for.  Now let’s see how all this turned out.

1. NARSOL Conference in Atlanta 

NARSOL Conference

So I set off for Atlanta, and wow that was a great conference.  But while there I got on the hotel computer to pursue a different project that few people outside the Florida Action Committee know about.  I am determined to take control of my own end of life destiny by establishing my own assisted living / rehabilitative care / end of life care facility which (a) will accept registered people (including me) and (b) complies with all of Florida’s horrible residency requirements.  Because all the goodwill in the world is worthless if I can’t register that address at the sheriff’s department.

2. Maine whale watching  Divert to Tallahassee

So the first step in this project is to find and purchase the right property.  And much to my surprise a property had just then come on the market that was absolutely perfect.  I would never be closer to Tallahassee than I was right then in Atlanta, so I dropped everything and headed south that Sunday to participate in a frenzied bidding war that I ultimately lost.  I hadn’t put my finances in enough order to be in a bidding war anyway, but I’m now fixing that and will be ready next time.

However … this little Florida escapade raises a couple of registry questions.  Most obviously, the second thing I had to do Monday morning was call my Iowa sheriff’s department and attempt to delete the Maine state park and replace it with my home address in Tallahassee for those three days.  Fortunately the woman behind the bulletproof glass remembered who I was and cheerfully made the change.  I was even able to catch up to my previous travel plans by proceeding to my brother’s house in RI with a stop in NJ to take measurements.  

But here’s the odd thing: Because I was originally supposed to make both of these one night stops while returning from Maine to Philadelphia, they were not “destinations” on my sheet.  My next “destination” was the hotel near Hershey, PA.  By catching up to my original plans I would be, in fact, off the registry’s radar for several days, in a completely different part of the country from where they thought.  Hmmmmm …

But why was my call to Iowa the second thing that morning?  Because they were in a different time zone from me, so I could first go to the Leon County registry office to “check in” AND “check out” because I’d be leaving 48 hours later.  I took that opportunity to delete my old car and add my new one, just as I was supposed to.  Then after calling Iowa once that registry office opened I moved on to Priority #3 which was finding my old FL license plate right where I had tossed it, turning it in at DMV and obtaining the all-important official Florida return of license plate receipt.

Last Florida thing – I knew from past experience that if I tried to report the rest of my trip as being from Florida they would require me to change my home there from “open ended temporary residence” to “permanent residence” and have a return date.  That certainly would be a disaster.  So I told them I was returning to Iowa, to the permanent residence they had on file for me there.  As far as I’m concerned that was a true statement – they were returning me to the tender mercies of the Iowa registry, and if anyone wanted to call the Johnson County sheriff’s department they, after all, would know right where I was.  Well, once I was in RI they would.

3. Car trouble in Rhode Island

Then as I was leaving Florida on my way to get back on track, I started having car trouble!  Specifically my car started misfiring –which to my chagrin was the same problem that caused me to junk my old car! (see my Missouri blog entry for more on this).  But this time it was only at high speeds.  I only had to back off to 65 mph to make it all go away – so much so that by Virginia the idiot lights even went off, a sure sign my car hadn’t misfired in a long time.

Still, while I was in New Jersey that first time I went to my sister-in-law’s car repair guy (her husband was a car repair guy so I trust her judgement) that Friday morning to get diagnostics.  His verdict – Ignition coil #2.  Just take it easy until you get back to Iowa and you can get it fixed then.

So off I went to Rhode Island.  But as I was passing through Westchester County suddenly my car started misfiring again, with a vengeance and at every speed.  Shit!  I limped on and the Connecticut Turnpike was a nightmare.  I called ahead to my brother and said “As soon as I get there you have to take me to the nearest Toyota dealership!”  They were the only place I knew would be open both Friday evening and all day Saturday.

When we got there I admit I was a total jerk.  NO, you cannot schedule this job for Monday!  NO, this has to happen right now!  You have to push all your other customers out of the way and work on my car NOW!

But aside from being determined to get my trip back on track, there was also a registry-related reason that I was acting like such a jerk.  Anyone who’s ever participated in an ACSOL monthly zoom call knows that Rhode Island has the shortest registration grace period of any state – just 24 hours.  Janice announces it every month just like clockwork.  I who have a brother living there know this very well but as Janice always points out, it’s a small state and I’ve never had any reason to be there more than 24 hours (see my Rhode Island blog entry).

Well guess what?!  There might be a first time for everything after all!  I had entered RI at about 4:00 pm, so I had until 4:00 pm on Saturday to get the hell out of there!

Downtown Providence on a summer afternoon

Now let’s be realistic for a minute.  I already told you I had not reported Rhode Island as a “destination.”  Nobody either in Iowa or Florida even knew I was there – even though it was exactly where I was supposed to be on that day when I originally reported my travel in Iowa.  Once I was in RI my trip was officially “back on track.”  So if I were to stretch the boundaries of Rhode Island’s registry law, no one would ever know.  On the other hand, any encounter with law enforcement while stretching that boundary would be … unfortunate, not to mention so paranoiac I’d probably have a heart attack.

But despite my behavior … or perhaps because of it … Toyota didn’t get to the diagnostics until Saturday morning.  So my brother took me on a walking tour of downtown Providence – which turns out to be a really cool place – followed by dinner out joined by my sister-in-law (his wife).

The following morning Toyota got around to the diagnostics.  Their verdict – Ignition coil #2.  Mercifully they had one in stock!  They also wanted to replace all my spark plugs so I said fine.  $788 later I was out the door by 1:00 pm and out of RI by 1:30, leaving 2 1/2 hours to spare.  After one pre-planned stop in CT I was on my way to the Garden State.  And I must say, my car has been purring like a kitten ever since.

4. Loading a phone booth

So what’s this about a telephone booth?  Well, after my brother died my sister-in-law asked us whether we wanted any of his personal items.  I thought about it for almost a year before saying, “I want the phone booth.  I’m going to bring it to Iowa and set it on my patio and have it to remember him by.”

Yes it fit!

Now, when you say something like that you’re kind of obligated to getting around to picking it up and taking it to Iowa.  That’s what this errand was all about.  That’s why I’d had to go meet two days ago with a couple of my brother’s car buddies who had been enlisted to help me load it – they couldn’t believe it was going to fit in the back of a Toyota Sienna until they measured it for themselves. I was back that Sunday morning to get their help sliding it in. Then I was off to my next stop, Philadelphia, to meet up with my family.

5. Touring PA with family

The next 2 1/2 days went very smoothly, I stayed at the same hotels as my family, just a different room, we toured Pennsylvania Dutch Country which I hate (see my PA blog entry) but everybody else loves. On the day the kids went to Hersheypark my BFF & I instead went to the American Antique Car Association Auto Museum also in Hershey. It’s really great and I have mentioned it before (PA blog entry again).  Then we did laundry together, which is super romantic.

Cool looking mural in Philly

On the third day we separated, but before heading home to Iowa I had one more overnight stay, this time at my sister and brother-in-law’s house in Maryland.  When I set this stop up I asked them, this is the night of July 3 – are you sure that’s okay?  Are you going anywhere for the holiday?  But they said no problem, come visit.

6. DC on 7/4

Once that was settled I started to think – Hey, I’m going to wake up on July 4 just minutes away from Washington, DC.  Wouldn’t it be fun to spend that day as a tourist in DC?  I didn’t think about this seriously until after I left Iowa, so does adding this extra travel day present any registry issue, either in Iowa or DC?

Answer: No worries.  My experience in both Iowa and Florida is that nobody cares if return a little late – just settle up when you check back in at the end of the trip.  In this case I had actually told the lady behind the bulletproof glass that I was returning Friday late, so I’d be back to check in on Monday.  If this little side trip delayed me until Saturday it wouldn’t change anything.

I must say that the epic failure of my trip to DC wasn’t registry related.  Perhaps you will recall it was only a few days before July 4 that (a) Biden had a poor debate performance and (b) SCOTUS made things infinitely worse by granting all presidents immunity for “official acts.”  I don’t know about you but I became very distressed over this, even as I was travelling with family in Pennsylvania.  

In my distress I realized I was going to be in Washington, DC on July 4.  I fantasized there might be protests or marches on that holiday, and I would be there for that …

Then two things happened: (a) I realized that this was perhaps the most unrealistic fantasy I’d ever had (and that’s saying something!) and (b) I found the act of making my own protest signs to be quite cathartic, so by the time I finished them I no longer felt the need to use them for anything.

And so, of I went to Washington, DC with not greater aspiration than to make the Supreme Court one of my stops and perhaps yell at them for a few minutes.  Of course my rant would include cussing them out over Smith vs. Doe.  But unfortunately I got off at the wrong Metro stop ( Note to self: Capital South is the closest station – not Judiciary Square) and after wandering aimlessly lost for a while came out on the National Mall near the Smithsonian.

At that time the annual DC Fourth of July parade was assembling in that area and beginning its march down Constitution Ave.  I noticed that many of the causes or populations that I might sympathize with had been co-opted by the parade.  Many had floats and teams of marchers.  No wonder they weren’t protesting.  Got a worthy cause to promote?  Join the parade!

Worthy groups who might have reason to be a little worried about the future.

Notice police in the background.

Later I told one of my Florida advocate friends that I no longer want to go vigil on the Supreme Court steps next year.  Instead I want a float in that parade!  I want WAR to bring their coffin and display it on our float.  And I want Derek to be on the float with a microphone reading his list of victims of vigilantism as we march down Constitution Ave.  Yes Derek I was really inspired by that …

Well there goes another unrealistic fantasy …

After having lunch from one of those super expensive food trucks that are all over the place in DC ($12 for shaved ice??) I returned to my car and left for Iowa. The rest of my trip was uneventful.  And yes, when I returned to the Johnson County sheriff’s department to “check in" the following Monday, I tried to slide the official Florida return of license plate receipt under the bulletproof glass but the lady refused to even look at it up close.  She just deleted my old license plate and was done with it.  I guess she was aware of the stupidity of her job.

Phone booth standing on my patio

 Iowa

From the 50 State Visitor Guide:

Iowa Code 2019  §§692A.101 through 692A.130.  441 I.A.C. §103.3(692A)  661 I.A.C. §§83.1(692A) through 83.5 (692A)

Registration Triggers and Deadlines:

5 business days for initial registration, updates, and visitors who enter the state. §§692A.104, 692A.105.

Residency/Presence and Other Restrictions:

Residence restrictions: Registrants with convictions involving minors for “aggravated sexual abuse” in the 1st or 2nd degree, or in the 3rd degree except for a conviction under I.C. §709.4(2)(c)(4), may not reside w/in 2,000 ft. of daycare center.

Presence restriction:  Registrants with convictions involving minors may not loiter within 300 ft. of, or be present at, any school, day care center, public library, or any place intended primarily for the use of minors, unless certain permissions are obtained.  No registrant may loiter, volunteer, or be employed at residence facility for dependent adults.

Local governments are pre-empted from adopting more restrictive requirements.  §692A.127.

Procedure for removal from registry after departure is set forth in §692A.106.

Duration & updates:

10 years to life.  Updates depend on tier level: TI – annually, TII – every 6 mo. TIII – quarterly. §§692A.104

June 2024 – An Iowa Road Trip

Iowa allows five business days for initial registration, updates, and visitors who enter the state. That’s a fairly short time period. However, there appears to be no limit per month or year.

While in-state as a visitor you may need to be a little careful if your offense involved a minor because if so you may not loiter within 300 ft. of, or be present at a school, day care center, public library, or any place intended primarily for the use of minors, unless certain permissions are obtained.  No registrant may loiter, volunteer, or be employed at residence facility for dependent adults.

Des Moines Farmers Market

Here’s a piece of good news: Local governments are pre-empted from adopting more restrictive requirements.  §692A.127.  Therefore, wherever you go in Iowa at least you know what the rules are.

Also, you may have noticed that there is no prohibition against being at or loitering near a public park, museum, or historic site – unless of course it includes a “place intended primarily for the use of minors,” like a playground, in which case you just need to stay 300 feet away from that place. Outside Iowa City there is a shopping mall that includes the Iowa Children’s Museum.  The food court is right next door.  If you ever find yourself in this shopping mall, you can’t go to the children’s museum or loiter within 300 feet of it, but the rest of the mall is okay and no one has ever accused me of "loitering" just because I had lunch at the food court.

It has now been three years since I made Iowa my summer home and primary residence state.  In that time I’ve really come to like the place and would recommend it as a travel destination.  You get four business days plus a weekend to see our sights and attend our quaint small town festivals – so why not slow down for a spell on your way across country?

Lobby of the Parkside Inn in Mason City, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright

This year Iowa Public Television has been running a series called “Iowa Road Trip.” I recorded most of the episodes, marked my state map with notes and for my first four day mini-tour I decided to focus on the northeast and central parts of my state. Beginning in Davenport I traveled north on the Great River Road, which is a designated U.S. scenic road on both sides of the Mississippi River from its origin in Minnesota all the way south to New Orleans.  

Recommended sights along this route:  “American Pickers” home store in LeClair, Sawmill Museum in Clinton, Mississippi River Museum and river cruises in Dubuque, “Field of Dreams” movie set in Dyersville, Effigy Mounds Nat. Mon. near Prairie du Chien.  Spook Cave is unusual in that it’s a boat ride (!).

Turning west I made my way to Mason City, home of the Parkside Inn, a hotel designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.  There being “no room at the Inn,” however, I camped at a nearby state park.  Next day I traveled south along the Jefferson Highway – yes that’s a real thing too – to Iowa Falls, where there is a namesake falls and a weekends only boat ride in the summer.  

Des Moines Botanical Garden

The next morning was a Saturday, so I made my way to downtown Des Moines for their weekly farmers market, reputed to be one of the biggest in the Midwest and which lived up to its billing.  After visiting the botanical garden I set off for home near Iowa City.  All this in just one quadrant of my beautiful state.  Come visit, eh?

Iowa fairs and festivals

In the time I’ve lived in Iowa I’ve been to a number of fairs and festivals, and yet now that I’m reviewing my Iowa blog entry I see I’ve never introduced you to any of them! 

Let’s fix that.  The biggest thing going is the Iowa State Fair which takes place every August.  They claim it’s the biggest state fair in America – all I can say is yes it’s really big.  I go every year and always see something new.

West of Iowa City is the Amana Colonies.  It’s a national historic site based on an 1800’s German settlement, so it’s trying to be a Midwest Colonial Williamsburg.  They have seasonal festivals to draw tourists, like Oktoberfest and Maifest.

Local Amish-made foods purchased at an Iowa small town festival

Looking for an authentic, non-commercialized Amish experience? You’ll find it in southeastern Iowa.  Amish heritage is showcased every September at the Kalona Fall Festival.

I have been to My Waterloo Days twice (June).  Once I was there for the parade and liked it, the other time not so much.  I have also been to the Old Threshers Reunion in Mt. Pleasant twice (Labor Day weekend).  That was really something both times!

January 2024 – Traveling to my “primary residence” state as a visitor

So you may be wondering – why I would want to leave the warmth of Florida and travel to Iowa in January in the middle of a blizzard and below zero temperatures?  Also, for those of you who, like me, have moved away from the state where you offended, are there any lessons to be learned from my experience traveling as a visitor to my new “primary residence” state?  Did I have to “check in” even though I was there for fewer than five business days? etc.

As to the first question, it turns out that there is an interesting difference between Florida and Iowa (aside from the obvious weather difference).  Florida doesn’t let anyone with a prior sexual offense vote, whereas Iowa does.  And as I always say, no one can appreciate their right to vote more than someone who’s had that right taken away.  One of my first acts as an Iowan was to register to vote.

Furthermore, as a Iowa voter I am eligible to do something very few Americans can do, which is to participate in the Iowa Caucuses.  And another thing I am fond of saying is that my recent life experience has brought me to a point where if there is something I am allowed to do – that the cops can’t stop me from doing – that is a thing I will definitely do. 

So a couple of months before the caucuses I booked non-refundable plane reservations from Orlando to Eastern Iowa Airport (lay-over in Chicago), departing Friday January 12 and returning Tuesday the 16th.  Because Monday Jan. 15 was a holiday, I would be in Iowa for only two partial business days, far fewer than the five business days that would have triggered an obligation on my part to “check in” at my local sheriff’s department.  Instead, all I needed to do was report my travel as required by the state of Florida, where I was traveling from.

My neighborhood near Iowa City after the January 2024 blizzard.

Temperature at the time: -10 F

Little did I know that when the time came for me to go to Iowa it would be in the middle of a blizzard with a foot of snow on the ground, drifts blowing everywhere and temperatures below zero.  My Friday flights were canceled and I got rebooked onto the same flights the following day – with one big difference, to wit my 1:00 flight from Chicago was stand-by and they booked me on a back-up flight that didn’t leave Chicago until 7:00 pm.

So here’s a question:  I told Florida I was definitely leaving on Friday, but I didn’t do that.  I left on Saturday instead.  Was I required to go back down to the Orange County sheriff’s department and redo my travel report?  Answer – I couldn’t do it anyway because the sheriff’s department was closed for the holiday weekend and Florida requires this change to be reported in person.  So I just did everything I could to get myself to my travel destination as fast as possible.

Sure enough I didn’t get on the 1:00 flight, which meant my Cedar Rapids car rental crashed.  The airline offered to re-book me to a 2:15 flight to Moline IL, which is “sort of” close to Iowa City, so I gave up my 7:00 ticket.  Unfortunately that flight was unable to land in Moline and got re-directed right back to Chicago!  So at 6:00 pm I rented a car in Chicago and set out for Iowa City in a blinding blizzard.

Wow that was scary!  When I arrived at my home it was midnight and -15 degrees.  But now I want to point out that by crossing the Iowa state line at about 10:30 pm I had spent less than one day in Illinois and had not spent the night there.  In doing so I had avoided using up any of my precious allowable three days per calendar year in Illinois (see my Illinois blog).  I certainly didn’t want to do that in the first month of the 2024 calendar year!

Also, by arriving in Iowa late Saturday night instead of Friday afternoon I would now be there only one partial business day – Tuesday – when I’d have to get back on the road at 7:00 am (temperature -13) if I had any hope of returning the rental car in Chicago at noon.  I’d be out of state before my Iowa sheriff’s department even opened that day.  I also had to totally blow off my non-refundable flight from Cedar Rapids.

Now I will say a few words about the Iowa Caucuses, my reason for spending hundreds of dollars to fly into a blizzard.  It was actually pretty interesting.  Even though my party wasn’t holding a presidential preference vote because they have an actual incumbent president instead of an insurrectionist ex-president, they conducted other party business like selecting delegates to the party’s state convention (in March) and formulating party platform statements.

So the following morning I left early, I did get to Chicago on time, and my flight arrived back in Orlando on time.  Tadahhhh!

Czech & Slovak Museum, Cedar Rapids